Starting Over...

Very often when one stumbles upon something hard that hits them, they're withdrawn and their whole life comes apart. I know because I been there too many times. The good news is.. I've come out a better man..

Dealing with the aftermath of any misfortunes or setbacks in life is never easy. Especially, where emotions or financial losses are involved. One can expect to experience pain, resentment, and even hatred, perhaps. How then can we walk out of our own shadows? I'm not a trained psychologist but here's how I've coped.

Acknowledgment:
This is the first step.You have to come to terms with whatever that you're confronted with. Accept the reality. Admit that the issues, events or experiences are now a reality. Being in denial and avoiding the facts may temporarily conceal the problem but it will only come back to haunt you in your moments of weakness. For example, if a relationship is over accept that its over. Why prolong your agony and lie to yourself that it is not?

Seeking A Closure:
Once you have acknowledged that the issue, event or experience, the next thing that you need to do is to find a closure to it. Grief if you must, but know that you have to have a closure soon. This process is extremely difficult to deal with and sometimes it may take forever to find a closure. One of the ways to find a closure is to get support from family or friends. But remember, support are like crutches. They can aid you and be your support, but you still have to have the will to stand up and walk. Some people abuses the sympathy and support they get from family and friends. Some even glorify it for attention and dwell upon it in self pity. Just make sure you do not make this transition because that will give you every reason why you wouldn't want a closure. Having a closure is not as simple as just "switching it off". Here, I'm saying that you have to motivate yourself to have the desire to close that bad chapter of your life.

Confrontation:
This is the battle ground (really). This is where you fight your emotions, your toils and your woes. Having acknowledged and closed that bad episode, you now have to take this on to heal. Our instinctive response when "threat" is presented, is really to "Fight-or-Flight". Both are acceptable options as they are designed to ensure survival. Thus, the battle now becomes one of the mind. To emerge victorious, one must strive to work towards a win-win outcome. Just remember, take on your emotions and fight it as hard as you can. But when it becomes too overwhelming, retreat safely and re-engage it again when you're rested. NEVER engage when you are weary unless you are darn confident you can weather it thru. Its ok to lose a battle but don't lose the war.

Forgive:
Many people think that forgiveness is for those that inflict pain on us. On the contrary, forgiveness is for ourselves. Stop blaming people or even blaming yourself. It may seem so hard to forgive but in reality, it is just so easy to forgive. You only need to have ONE motivation to wanna do that.. and that is.. to wanna liberate yourself. Imagine this, how long do you wanna hate a person (or yourself)? Do you wanna bring this hatred into your grave? Why bear such brunt on someone or something so undeserving when you can embrace the other blessings of life?

Don't believe me? Well, when my marriage went up in smokes, the rage and injustice was so overwhelming at that point in time. But now that I've healed and now when I look back, I didn't feel a thing anymore. I only just feel really stupid that why I hadn't snap out of it any sooner to enjoy the other sweetness around me. DON'T be too pre-occupied with pain, hatred, etc. and as such, deny yourself from the other immediate blessings. Like what I always like to say, "Count our blessings, NOT our misfortunes"..

Heal:
Like any sore or wound, we need to heal. Once you've learnt how to forgive, healing is almost a natural process. You just need to remember to apply or take your medication diligently. In this case, your medication is reaching out to help others in distress with your experience. By sharing and helping others, you will realize the blessings around you and how fortunate that you didn't cross the "other side".. you can talk about your experience without feeling the pain anymore... you will have reasons to be thankful and your self esteem gets stronger.