Touching Story of Phantom's Reconciliation with his DAD

Everyone who knows me would know that I don't see eye to eye with my dad. Probably because we are both Tauruses - born stubborn... We don't seem to have anything to say to each other and each time when we do talk, we'd end up fighting with each other. We had so much bad blood that we had to live apart since I was 16. I left home and had never spoke to him since.

I had been thru a lot in life... had to take 5 yrs to graduate from high school (normal people only took 4)... had 3 failed marriages... failed in my business... became a bankrupt... lost custody of Iggi... almost died under the surgical knife twice... etc...

Each time I fell, I would get hell from my dad... instead of encouragement, he would scold me... he never had faith in me at all... for everything that went wrong it was always "MY FAULT" even though it wasn't... his favourite phrase would be, "see... there you are... I told you... you'd never get anything right"....

My impression of my dad was nothing more than a negative asshole that condemns me for everything that I do... one that is prejudice against me and had never seen the finer side of me... in fact, we are so distant that there was a time where his face faded from my memory... I can no longer put a face to him in my head any more...

I spent my whole life (well, almost...) hating him... hated him for the way he treated me... hated him for the way does things around the house... hated him for favouring my other siblings more than me...

It wasn't until the last few years that things got better between us... but even then, we didn't really talk much... I was already a father and I finally got to know how difficult it is being a father... the responsibility it entails... how small I felt when I failed in my fight for the custody of my son... I finally realized how painful it must had been when I yelled at my dad in the past... those words (coming from a son) must had hurt him so deeply then...

We were very poor then and I must admit that my dad really had to slog to bring us up as a sole breadwinner... he didn't give us much but he gave us all that he had... yes, I knew that all these while but I was just so blinded by hatred that I only saw his love as his duty... I vividly remembers him quietly mending his socks in the middle of the night (away from my mom and all of us... he and his silly pride)... he rather let us have the money for the family than for himself... this flashed back when my business failed and that I had to take on odd jobs (odds and ends) to bring home money... there was no time for pride... I took on any extra job that was available (even as a delivery driver)... all that, just to bring that extra buck home... there were times where I didn't even have enough for me to eat but yet I gave whatever I had to my family... that feeling of not being able to provide for the ones we love was like a dagger stabbed right into your heart...

On one stormy Good Friday afternoon, I was feeling very down... my ex-wife abandoned me... my business failed... I lost everything that I had worked for in my entire life (my house and all) and I had creditors hounding me like a hound dog... my self esteem was rock bottom and the shame hurts like hell... I can't bring myself to face anyone... it was all a solitary fight... just me against the world... I walked into a church feeling lost and helpless... its a shame how we only turn to God only when we are down and soon forget Him the minute we are up and running...

It was then that I truly realize how great a father's love can be... just as how God is ever-ready to greet us with open arms... my dad is... despite his thundering hands that rained blows on me in the past... that same very hand held me up when I fell... my dad wasn't a very expressive person... he doesn't speak much... but I felt his love (for the first time) when he came up to me after my house was seized and said, "you can move in with us if you want"... but my pride got the better of me... I'd rather rent a place and paid thru my nose than to accept his offer...

Now, as I sit by his bedside in the quite hours of the night while he sleeps (he's in his final chapters of his life... he has a failing heart), I felt the need to tell him that I love him... for 39 yrs, I've never hugged him or told him that I loved him... I wanna do that before its too late... but its not so simple... each time, those words choked at my throat and refused to come out... but it finally did... I called him a few minutes ago (from out of the blue)... and said, "Dad, I just wanna tell you that I know how much you had sacrificed for us when we were young... I may not had showed it in the past but that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate what you did for us. What I want to say is... is... I love you, dad... I'm proud of all those values that you had imparted to us... the very same values that I'm holding onto now in my times of crisis... and I wanna say this before its too late... I wanna tell you that I'd be home for dinner on this new year's eve"...

He cried after hearing that... and all he said was, "that was the most beautiful thing you had ever said to me for all these years, son"...

Thanks for listening even though I know that this is nothing but a load of crap and had nothing to do with you... but I hope that if, you (like me) had someone that you wished to (or had to) be reconciled with... brace yourself and do it... its not easy but do it... before its too late... I'm glad I did... and Ting, thanks for talking me into doing it... It's really a break through...
(KPNN-Gossips)

PS:
Below are the lyrics of a song that best describes my feelings right now... Click Here to listen and to sing along...

The Last Song
Yesterday you came to lift me up
As light as straw and brittle as a bird
Today I weigh less than a shadow on the wall
Just one more whisper of a voice unheard

Tomorrow leave the windows open
As fear grows please hold me in your arms
Won't you help me if you can to shake this anger?
I need your gentle hands to keep me calm

CHORUS:
'Cause I never thought I'd lose
I only thought I'd win
I never dreamed I'd feel
This fire beneath my skin
I can't believe you love me
I never thought you'd come
I guess I misjudged love
Between a father and his son

Things we never said come together
The hidden truth no longer haunting me
Tonight we touched on the things that were never spoken
That kind of understanding sets me free
(Repeat CHORUS)