Well, time sure flies when you're not watching it. Iggi left for UK already. He brought with him a very big part of me. As much as I know that I should not feel sad and I should try not to miss him too much, but I can't fight the reality that I do. So, I did what I usually do when I feel down. I start counting my blessings rather than my miseries.
The 3 weeks that I had with Iggi was wonderful. He has grown so much and he's more sensible than ever. He's got great grades at school (he proudly showed me his report card). The 2 brothers got on very well despite being from different mothers. I'm really glad that Iggi felt the warmth of our humble home.
We spent a lot of time talking and though we didn't have much money to really go out for fun and buy stuffs, we spent each and every day we had together enjoying our relationship. There were a lot of things that we learnt from each other. I imparted some values to him and he taught me the innocence of a child once again. Kids are so easily contented. They have little expectations. And that is what that makes them ever so cheerful.
The bonding between Iggi and me is still so strong despite being separated from him for so long. In fact, we felt that our bonding grew stronger. Guess the saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true indeed.
Izzi had a great time too. This is the first time he met his elder brother and the two of them click just like that. Izzi adores Iggi. Though Izzi can't speak yet, the way he expresses his love for Iggi is so amazing. He would hold Iggi's hand, touch Iggi's face, kiss Iggi and follows Iggi wherever Iggi went. When Izzi wakes up and find Iggi missing from the bed, he would go hunt for Iggi.
Iggi on the other hand, showers a lot of love for Izzi too. He's protective and he shares whatever he has with Izzi. It's so nice to see Iggi putting Izzi first in all he does. Simply wonderful.
We've taken quite a bit of photos and I've posted them on my photo album here.
On the night that Iggi left, I was not allowed to see him off. Iggi was hurt but he just kept that smile on his face so that we wouldn't feel the impact of our grief. He said, "it's ok dad, at least we had a few good weeks together.. I'd be back next year... if not, the year after"... My heart crushed...
After Iggi left, Izzi misses him dearly. Izzi now wakes up to an empty bed beside him wondering where his brother, whom he spent 3 beautiful weeks with, had gone. Izzi would pull me to where Iggi had slept and sort of question me with that sad look on his face, "where is my brother". I just told him that kor-kor will be back next year.. if not the year after.
While the agony of missing Iggi is still raw within me, I know that I'd just have to move on. I just have to keep re-living those beautiful 3 weeks that we had, to ease the pain of missing Iggi. That's what I mean by counting my blessings rather than my miseries.
Looking at Izzi, its a consolation... he is not a substitute but he is a reminder that we're still blessed despite whatever grief we are experiencing. I just hope Iggi won't be too hard on himself back in UK. I've taught him how to stay optimistic and happy and I sure hope, he'd be a fighter... like his old man...
The Phantom
